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  1. 10 points
    scaggy

    Hip Young Monslingers

    Alright so the open mic last night (Sunday). So I normally avoid these things because they're often full of people taking themselves far too seriously and doing very earnest acoustic guitar sets, going on too long and generally being arseholes. What I do does not fit in to this. However, I need to play my new music project out to see if it works, and this one was at an art's space, Centrala, and seemed to have a bit more poetry than Noel Gallagher wannabes, so what the hell, YOLO etc. Firstly, the two guys running it were nice as fuck, and maintained a perfect balance of being courtous and appreciative of the act, but also quite dishelved. The compare's trousers were falling down, not by design (One organizer has asperger's, and I suspect the compare was on the spectrum). Anyway, first act did a couple of songs in Polish, and a couple of originals. She had a lovely voice. Second guy was a bit oissed and did some poetry about homeless people full of in-jokes I didn't get. He was very friend, though and we'd had a chat before the show. The vibe was much more art-center for locals than pub, so I felt more comfortable than I was expecting. The aspergers guy told a story about working in an old meat packing factory, that was meant to be a poem but was just a story. Then was some young dude who did Wild World and a couple of originals about why girls don't like him. My favourite act was these two older ladies who sang a bunch of old lefty folk songs a-capella, and they were adorable, but so shyyy! The old stand-up comedian was funny for the wrong reasons, unless he was doing a character, in which case he needs to make it more obvious. He was like "here's one for people who voted Brexit!" and then sang the "Hitler has only got ball" song and that was the joke. I played next, I was well nervous cause it's literally the first time I've played piano live. I set up, (taking ages, I've got too much stuff), turned on and set off, head down, didn't even look at the audience. Fuck up! Fuck up! Fuck Up! Done! And the crowd loved it. They were utterly silent during the quite bits. Got loads of compliments and invites to other similar nights. Sound was a bit off, but there's not much I can do about that. Anyway, totally buzzing afterwards. The next act, "Lost Wave Music" were pretty good. Sounded like a early Hawkwind, mixed with PiL and the Stranglers. A bit scrappy and the singer had to read the lyrics, which was a shame because he's quite a good performer. Last band was like wear did you lot meet? The singer looked like Mafia head, late-50s, bassist was the chick who opened and was about 20-ish, guitarist was far too good to be in the band and they used the drummer from the previous band. They sounded like a bunch of 14-year olds who have just started playing. Had a brilliant evening and I was definitely the best though. Edit/ Didn't eat all day due to nerves. Got home and had a tiny samosa. Woke up in the middle of the night and ate half a Battenberg. Dyin' today.
  2. 10 points
    amnesiac

    Saturday and Sunday.

    I even argue with Mrs A in my dreams Her: if there was an injection that gave you cancer would you take it? Me: ... .. is there an upside? something that would want me to take it but it potentially gives you cancer? Her: no it just gives you cancer Me: yeah alright I'll take it Then she got out a syringe! Fucksakes!
  3. 9 points
    amnesiac

    Show me your Wednesday face!

    Want to feel old? This is what Hear'Say look like now
  4. 9 points
    Stumpedmolar

    #FREXIT

    If the whole thing had been orchestrated like that from the outset then the constitutional crisis would've been avoided. Literally should've read art. 50 before referendum 1, thought about the timeframe, thought about what was likely to happen and built in a confirmatory referendum from the outset. This is not especially complicated, I think, and is more to do with human nature and expectations than anything: if there's a conformatory vote on the mantelpiece in act one, it must go off in act three! Equally, you can't just whip one out of your ass at the end of act three as a deus ex machina to get you out of a hole! In other words, the problem with the confirmatory vote is as much a theatrical one as it is a democratic or constitutional one.
  5. 9 points
    Emily

    Thursday thread

    Sorry about the lack of puns (I don’t do puns). I was going to use expletives but didn’t want anyone blocked. Anyway, we were burgled last night. Only the laptops gone (all the pictures of my baby). They rifled through lots but for some reason didn’t want to steal a breast pump (sorry, Olly) or specialist dentist glasses. Just waiting for the police. I don’t expect much from it but there’s places where there should be fingerprints and there’s CCTV around the building
  6. 8 points
    scaggy

    Easter Wednesday

    /rejected Dodgy lyrics.
  7. 8 points
  8. 8 points
    amnesiac

    Uma Thursman

    Actual tears
  9. 8 points
    amnesiac

    #FREXIT

  10. 8 points
    OIly

    'twixt Friday and Monday.

    so this morning, my mate, let's call him Jim, he turns up at my flat and I assumed it was just to have a cuppa while his daughter was getting tutored for her 11+. but when he arrived he pulled a bag out of his car and said ok we're going to clean your flat. and I was like don't be daft that's mental why wou-- and he's like it's not open for discussion, so we spent 3 and a bit hours, him in the kitchen and me in the living room and I'm like fucking hell, that's a friend. that is a fucking friend, and I'm a bit teary. threw out a coffee table, my Wii, my PS3, my Sky box. My point is i love him and he didn't have to do it and now my mum feels guilty because she wanted to do that and I'd never let her but he just turned up and I couldn't do anything about it and i love him and yeah.
  11. 8 points
  12. 7 points
    fractal*

    Easter Wednesday

    I have also used the old "Knew a lad" trick on occasion
  13. 7 points
  14. 7 points
    Burch

    This is a new topic for Thursday

    Try not to smile when you see what Thom Yorke looks like now.
  15. 7 points
    Zaireeka

    Saturday and Sunday.

    Went for a wander in the mountains to find some old roman bridge yesterday and came across this shepherd who was actually using this lamb to help herd the goats which was a bit.. surprising!
  16. 7 points
    Univers

    #FREXIT

    OH it’s a hoover, thank christ
  17. 7 points
    Burch

    WeEUkend

    This wasn't a reply to you Olly.
  18. 6 points
    BREAKING: Ponchettino also in my list of mancrush managers now because of how he speaks. He pronounces it: shaket shumper Context: "I threw my shacket and my shumper but then they say they are looking at the var"
  19. 6 points
    GUBE

    Easter Wednesday

    /rejected David Bowie lines
  20. 6 points
    Burch

    The Hunchback of Not Tue Dame

    Mary Anne Hobbs has just dedicated Soul2Soul Back to Life to the cathedral.
  21. 6 points
    Zaireeka

    it is, as i write, monday

    Woah u don't see many sackings these days do you!
  22. 6 points
    OIly

    it is, as i write, monday

    i reckon they should start putting Randy's photo up behind the bar!
  23. 6 points
    fractal*

    Wee ken dwork it out

    Currently attending a degree access course to get into an English Studies and Politics degree. Currently working on an essay discussing unemployment, part-time and zero hour work form a Marxist perspective. So this kind of stuff has been swooshing about my brain. Also believe that severely restricting the worst excesses of capitalism or replacing it altogether is the best chance to save the planet.
  24. 6 points
    Zaireeka

    This is a new topic for Thursday

    Gube waiting fae the wanker to come oot from where he's hiding.
  25. 6 points
    A rat done bit my sister Nell With Bagel on the moon Her face and arms began to swell And Bagel's on the moon
  26. 6 points
    I love the thought of everyone having a forum
  27. 6 points
    some office Stumpy posting on his forum going "just made another tenner!"
  28. 6 points
    GUBE

    Hip Young Monslingers

    talking about mustard again eh ace. it's always condiments with you lot. you've got scaggy over here stacking black pudding on everything, you've got hatch over here eating crucial ketchup, i'm just like leave me alone with 12 asda waffles and a bottle of Daddies thanks
  29. 6 points
    Zaireeka

    Hip Young Monslingers

    Google ads can fuck RIGHT off! Absolutely taking the piss.
  30. 6 points
    'Muscle's weak Bones of pain Cannot breath Going Insane Why do I have a sweaty head So depressed can't leave my bed' Chorus Lucifer! Give me power of sun Lucifer! Give me strength to run Lucifer! I will never fall ( reduced risk of falling in people over age 60[105] ) Lucifer! Heed my call VITAMIN D! VITAMIN D! VITAMIN D! With thanks to Symptoms Of Vitamin D Deficiency That Most People Ignore
  31. 6 points
    amnesiac

    Uma Thursman

    EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AT ONCE
  32. 6 points
    This (the late term abortion talk rather than the oranges) actually makes me really angry because women have late term abortions in exceptional circumstances, usually when at least one of them will die if not. People don’t do it lightly. Also, women aren’t incubators and the rights and needs of the living person are not second to the foetus. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. Just, old men telling younger women what to do with their bodies for the sake of embryos and foetuses which they care very little about once they are babies (they certainly don’t want to pay social support to the parents) is so tiresome
  33. 6 points
    GUBE

    Don'TUE Want Me

    may speech drinking game "let me be very clear" - down your bottle of bleach "that's why we've [decided to do course of action that we've done before]" - head in the toilet general blame of MPs - explode self in traffic
  34. 6 points
    Burch

    #FREXIT

    There's a cure for data, but Big Data won't release it so they can make money from scientific calculators.
  35. 6 points
    scaggy

    Ranking Full Stop

    /Rejected 2 Unlimited lyrics
  36. 6 points
  37. 6 points
    scaggy

    The MON Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore

    Yeah, goo weekend. I got: T-shirt * 2 Dinosaur cufflinks * 2 (one set) Box set of The Avengers (all episodes) A Lizard in a Woman's Skin The Bird with the Crystal Plumage Chocolate Bee hotel Had a special birthday breakfast of tofu scramble, watched some of the Avengers box set, went to the cinema to watch Us. I decided to splurge out and book Odean Lux, forgetting that on Saturday afternoon it would be full of chattering teenagers. Still, brilliant film. Watched Jurassic World 2 in 3D. Sunday went out for a drive/walk, ate a cake. Watched some more avengers.
  38. 6 points
    Univers

    'twixt Friday and Monday.

    Ollys flat is bigger than I imagined!
  39. 5 points
  40. 5 points
    I understand what you guys are saying but I have to say I still think the Man Utd Stadium tour is the best value for money tour in the UK.
  41. 5 points
    Seeing as we're talking about me, I made a video for one of my friend's birthdays today.
  42. 5 points
    Shoebox

    Easter Wednesday

    Think Reeks might treat himself to a tekku glass of Neck Oil tonight. Assuming he's watching the game and not getting stabbed outside a pranny theatre
  43. 5 points
    Shoebox

    it is, as i write, monday

    You really are the worst of people, Randy. Utter scum
  44. 5 points
    ted's overdoing the show and not doing enough tell!
  45. 5 points
    Shoebox

    Saturday and Sunday.

    Crushed my half marathon this morning. Haven't had an official time yet but Strava tells me it was 1:50:09, which is about 3 minutes quicker than my previous PB. Absolutely chuffed!
  46. 5 points
    scaggy

    #FREXIT

    Loving this gif of @Axlotl entering today's thread
  47. 5 points
    Pamela Doove

    #FREXIT

    I asked her this, but she just straight up Theresa Mayed it.
  48. 5 points
  49. 5 points
    Don't cry m8!
  50. 5 points
    Zaireeka

    The MON Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore

    Classic axl
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